First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
