Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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