So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
