I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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