you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
