I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
