so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
