Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
