Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
