I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
