just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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