so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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