he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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