I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Drunk is a universal language darling
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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