No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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