His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
