I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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