from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Panties = found
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
