i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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