i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize