Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
