shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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