Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
