i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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