"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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