the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
