at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
