I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
