I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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