I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
