Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
