batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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