Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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