i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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