we made out on top of his cat.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
