I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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