Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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