Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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