Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
zippers are such a cool invention
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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