I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
