I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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