I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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