Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
