Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
