Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I came so hard my ears popped.
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