Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
