i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize