My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
