ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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