high people should be assigned attendants
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
