Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
