Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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