then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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