the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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