it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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