I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
