no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
