remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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