Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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