conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am available for nakedness
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
