My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize