No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
we're so committed to being not committed
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
