May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
