hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
