then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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