I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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