As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's blow job season.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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