Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
