I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
