I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
