u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
