Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
