wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
