Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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